Book Review: Burnout (Solve Your Stress cycle) by Emily & Amelia Nagoski

Burnout is a phrase that has entered our consciousness through day to day conversation and has been certified as an” occupational phenomenon” by the World Health Organisation (WHO), as of 2019. Whilst it is something that is defined as a work-related issue, so many of us can recognise that our personal experiences and stresses can contribute to the feeling of burnout.  So, when I heard Emily and Amelia Nagoski speak to Brene Brown about their book Burnout (Solve Your Stress Cycle) * I knew it needed to be added to the book club list!

Identical twins, Emily and Amelia Nagoski, bring a unique insight and perspective into Burnout. Both have an interest in communication and psychological wellbeing, however not in the obvious sectors. Amelia is an Assistant Professor and Coordinator of Music at Western New England University, and Emily is an Author, has spent the past 20-years as a Sex Educator and is the Inaugural Director of Wellness Education at Smith College. Because of these perspectives, they offer an approach that I haven’t come across before in a book about stress and burnout.

Burnout claims to be “the science-based book all women need to take back control and end the cycle of overwhelm”. Deconstructing stress, as is experienced by women, can make quite an uncomfortable read at times; it hypothesises that the primary cause of burnout is the gap between what it is really like to be a woman and societies expectations. It was first published in 2019 but hit the popular press during 2020 and the pandemic, where caring responsibilities have fallen heavily on the shoulders of women.  Many people will be reading this book and will start to recognise the recent feelings of burnout; for others, it will have been an earlier experience.

However, I feel this isn’t just something that needs to be read by women, as if we are to break down societal stereotypes and pressures, it needs to be understood by all genders. Furthermore, the techniques that can break the stress cycle are useful for everyone.  There is a risk that presenting the book this way can lead people to feel that burnout s a female-only issue, however, the Authors unapologetically highlight that whilst the patriarchy and misogyny impacts all, they only want to talk about this from a female perspective. For some, this will feel like a vulnerable and honest conversation, for others, it may feel like women are being presented as “weak”. For me, I was able to put this aside for the valuable, well-researched insight that was provided. In fact, Burnout * is a book that is filled to the brim with useful concepts and tools; so full in fact that I covered 5 A4 pages (front and back) with my musings and things I wanted to explore and remember. That shows you have lots to gain when you read this book.

 

So, without further ado, here are the four things you need to know about Burnout (Solve Your Stress Cycle)

• What is Burnout?

How can you tell if it is burnout, of something else? Burnout is classified as “cynicism, a sense of helplessness and emotional exhaustion”. Whilst the WHO definition only recognises this in a work situation, the book contextualises this around professional and parental; I imagine with ongoing research and focus a wider interpretation will be created.

 

• Stress and stressors are two different things!

The book details how we are all surrounded by stressors, things that are potential threats that activate the stress response in our body. However, dealing with stress is separate from what causes you stress; breaking the cycle is showing your body you are safe. Simply “walking away” physically from the stressor is not enough. We are encouraged to “speak the body’s language” and it’s revealed that moving 20-60 minutes a day can be enough to complete the stress cycle. This seems a simple action to activate something powerful and help break the stress cycle (not breaking the cycle can lead to burnout longer term)

 

• The impact of Human Givers Syndrome

The HOW to break the stress cycle is presented concisely at the beginning of the book, whilst the remainder discusses WHY women end up in a place of stress and burnout. A massive theme of the book is “Human Givers Syndrome”; where you are expected to GIVE to others (your time, energy, affection,) and never need in return. Human Givers Syndrome puts us in a cycle where the belief is personal need is selfish! The authors believe this is what leads to so much parental and professional burnout and is supported by patriarchal societies.  It is a harsh, but eye-opening read, but it makes you consider if you have unconsciously put yourself into this position.

 

• Rest is essential.

In a world where it is all about personal development, it can be easy to use that drive (especially when combined with the Human Givers assumption) to create an environment of toxic perfectionism, overwork (combined with negative cultural, long-standing thoughts around sleep and rest) lack of connection and comparison. An ongoing theme throughout this book is one of self-compassion as a strength; to set boundaries, understand the importance of rest for productivity and that the world we are born into impacts how we view our potential and each other. Chapter 7 (What Makes You Stronger) * reinforces the power of rest (both active and passive) and includes the bombshell that science highlights that the “adequate amount of rest is 42%” of your day. That probably jars (are you shouting, “I don’t have the time?” Well, as the book declares “if you don’t take the 42%, the 42% will take you”. Prioritising rest is a massive part of resilience and wellbeing.

 

 

Whilst this book may, at times, paint women as passive and helpless (to our frustration), and has A LOT of Disney references, you walk away with a toolkit of how to look after yourself in a way that goes beyond early nights and bubble baths. I think this quote sums up the number one message that this book gives us “The cure for burnout is not self-care; it is all of us caring for each other.”

 

Have you read Burnout (Solve Your Stress Cycle)? I would love to hear your thoughts within Creating Careers to Enjoy, where we have a monthly chat about our chosen book.

You can read previous book club reviews here.

 

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