How to quieten your inner critic

I don’t think I have come across anyone that hasn’t succumbed to negative self-talk at some point in their life. It’s that niggle in your brain that tells you can’t, you shouldn’t, it’s too risky, it’s not for you. From career moves to new hobbies, there are moments where fear and doubt overcome our confidence, resolve or risk-taking, and we convince ourselves to keep to the status quo. If that’s you, and you want to start making a change, I’m here to tell you how to quieten your inner critic.

 

Our brains are designed to keep us safe. For most (but not all) any significant change can be met with internal hesitancy; the wish to keep things predictable and stable is more desirable that the potential discomfort of a new way of working, thinking, or behaving. If you have ever sat through one of my workshops, there is a chance we have talked about this, and how our instincts, combined with our upbringing, create confirmation bias. This is one of many biases that we humans have; this particular flavour means that we only pay attention to, and prefer, information that supports our beliefs. This is multifaceted, so it can affect your memory of past events, and how you interpret new information. So, let’s imagine, for a moment, you are carrying around a belief about something that you think you can’t do. 

You can’t ask for flexible working. 

You aren’t ready for a promotion. 

As a working parent, you are doing “enough”. 

Without a cognitive intervention, you will only notice the pieces of information around you that support that belief. Which then reinforces these your belief is correct. 

That inner critic is working overtime!

 

However, once you understand more about the interplay between beliefs and behaviours, you can start to test the boundaries! Today, I am going to help, by giving you four ways to interrogate that inner critic and help you quieten that negative self-talk. 

 

Let’s step away from the hypothetical, and work this through in real-time. What negative belief do you think is stopping you from creating a career to enjoy right now? Take a moment, to be honest with yourself and write this down. 

 

If you need a prompt, try filling in the gaps of the following:

 

I believe I can’t …. because ……

 

Next, consider all the “evidence” you have that shows you that this belief is real. The thoughts, conversations, and expectations that you have been carrying. Note them all down.

 

Now, you are going to query each of these pieces of “evidence” using the following approach. Let’s see if your belief still stands by the end! 

 

To make it easier to remember, I’m calling these your Q-tips.

 

Quiz

Who, or what is influencing you? 

Whose voice are you hearing when you consider the “evidence”. Are there other positive “voices” that tell you the opposite? 

 

Qualify

What is true and recent? Are you holding onto pieces of “evidence” from the past when more recent experiences, conversations and circumstances are showing a different perspective? 

 

Quality

What does good enough look like? Are the standards you are holding yourself to fair, and valid? Would you expect the same of others? 

 

And finally! 

 

Question

Can you reframe your thoughts; a slight shift can make the impossible seem a little more possible. An example of this could be “I don’t have time “can become “ I can create the time”. 

 

When it comes to quietening your inner critic, I want to make something very clear. This exercise is the starting point; by challenging your thought processes head-on, you can begin to break your habit (possibly of a lifetime. You will learn to pay closer attention to the evidence that supports your constructive (positive) beliefs, bringing you closer to the life that you want and deserve! 

 

I’d love to know how this has worked for you! 

 

Come over to Creating Career to Enjoy and share how this worked (or if it hasn’t, tell me that too!)