How to overcome a crisis of confidence

Confidence; the holy grail of coaching. I have lost count of how many times my clients say that having more confidence is the answer to all of their obstacles.
The assumptions run deep; everyone else has it except them. Confidence is innate. Confidence will fix all that worries you.
But when you ask someone what they mean by confidence, they struggle to define it. They can tell you in what it isn’t; how not having it makes them feel.

Less than; unworthy; limited.

Confidence is the belief you can rely on something, or someone; self-belief!

Dig deep in yourself for a moment; if you had ultimate self-belief what would you do?
If you knew your endeavours wouldn’t fail, where would you go?
What will having confidence help you overcome?
For me, my confidence is overshadowed at times by fear of failure and rejection.
Maybe this fear comes from the expectations placed on me as a VERY tall child to be older than I am; I’ve always stood heads and shoulder above my peers. Maybe it is embedded in the role of being the eldest sibling, to be responsible and grown up? Maybe it is just in my DNA – who knows how much is nature and how much is nurture?
The amount of times I have held myself back, just in case it doesn’t work out. When I reflect back I can see that in reality my earlier goals were more of a to-do list; a list the things I knew I could achieve!
Launching the business and going out on my own is the first time I have felt the real, internal discomfort of good, solid goals that go way outside of my comfort zone.
I can hear loud and clear those fears tapping away, trying to get me to retreat back to a place of comfort; where I know I will succeed and my close group network will keep me feeling accepted!
But, I am working on standing up to this internal fear-monger; each time I take a step back, my drive to succeed pushes me forward by two steps.
I can’t do this on my own. I ask for help; I surround myself with people who challenge me, hold me accountable, remind me that, as of yet, I have not actually failed in anything in my life.
I look at the small steps I am taking and find the truth; the evidence where things are going well, the lessons I have learnt when they haven’t.
Most importantly, I am patient with myself. My journey may change, I may need to take a detour; but I am still moving forward, however, slowly it may be.
So, next time you tell yourself “more confidence” will fix everything, ask yourself:
1. What do you mean by confidence?
2. What would you see, feel or hear when you are that space?
3. What are you afraid of?
4. What can you gain by just taking the first step?

I leave you with something that I often use, but usually misquote, with my clients:

If you remember one thing today

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