When I started reading this month’s book club book I thought it would be a useful research tool, and something that could recommend for my coaching clients. By the time I had finished, I uncovered quite a deep seated and personally problematic comparison issue! “The Comparison Cure: How to be less ‘them’ and more you”* by Lucy Sheridan, is a breath of fresh are in a world where it’s easy to feel like we are less than, on a regular basis.
Lucy is an internationally renowned Coach and wellbeing specialist and is the world’s first and only comparison coach. Her work supports those that have a desire to live on their own terms, pursuing their version of happiness as audaciously as possible. Sounds perfect for people looking to create a career to enjoy not endure, right?
This book has a great combination of science, reflection and some hard hitting conversation starters; helping you not only understand specifically where you comparisons issues lie, but where they could come from, how you are holding yourself back and how important communication is. What is great about the book, especially considering the mindset of a person who picks it up, is she makes you feel content with YOUR version of success, rather than berate you for feeling like this in the first place! It also allows you to really focus down on your comparison blind spots, and to understand what you can do to actually take steps forward. There are a few books that I will re-read in my life, and THIS is one of them!
It took me 90 minutes to read the book; but it’s a longer process to work through the book. Lucy provides a range of tools and techniques within the book within each of the eight chapters; separated into three parts it covers Diagnosis, Remedies and Be Healthy.
In true Clara Cliff Notes style, here are the four points you need to know from The Comparison Cure: How to be less them and more you:
1, Comparison has a function
In the introduction, the evolutionary function of comparison is laid out very plainly. It helped us survive, it helped us socialise. Feelings of comparison are a human feeling; it is not failure that you feel this way. However, there are times that these feelings overwhelm and control in a way that isn’t helpful or functional.
- There can be a power in comparison
So, you now know that feeling comparison is human, so let’s make sure you use it a motivational tool: upward social comparison We are encouraged to change the language and reframe comparison as aspiration. Consider the steps that the person you are comparing yourself to took and see how you could also reach a similar goal. All of a sudden it becomes a lot more positive and achievable, right?
- Pay attention to influences
Lucy suggests that often we place ourselves in situations, or make decision, based on those that are around us. From the job we stay in too long to the house we buy to impress our friends; it comes from a place of comparison. Anyone keeping up with the Joneses. Now, we live in a time where those influences reach into our homes all the time through social media. Take some time to consider the decisions you have made up until now, and if the information you consume from people and posts are bringing any value into your life.
- It’s not too late
It’s never to late, or too early, to start to look at the areas of your life that you feel are being held back by comparison, and there is no area of your life that it can’t touch. I read this book thinking, as a qualified coach with ongoing personal development, I was pretty robust when it came to any areas of comparison. But by working through this book I realised there was something that caused a lot of personal friction, that I hadn’t considered as being related to this! Be aware, this book encourages some really interesting discussions, so be prepared. But it will be with the insight it brings!
So, in short. READ IT. It will feel like you have your own confidence coach in your pocket. Nothing beats 1:1 coaching, in my experience, but if you don’t have the budget or aren’t ready to take the step, then this really will help you make some big steps forward.
Would you like a supportive place to work on creating a career to enjoy? Join over 500 parents doing just this in Facebook.
Find the other book club book reviews here! If you are interested in finding out more about why our brain makes us feel things like comparison, then check out The Idiot Brain
*If you want to catch up and read this , then you can purchase the book by following this link (it’s an afiliate link, so if you click and purchase I may get a few pennies but it won’t cost you anything extra)
Clara Wilcox is a straight talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance.
