How to fail, successfully!

It won’t surprise you to learn that quotes from books often lingers in my mind once I’ve finished reading. One such quote has inspired this blog and has been fermenting as a concept since I first came across it five years ago. The book is Steven D.Levitt’s “Think Like a Freak”. The concept is, how to fail, successfully!

 

Let’s start with the quote itself:

 

“When failure is demonized, people will try to avoid it at all costs—even when it represents nothing more than a temporary setback.”

― Steven D. Levitt, Think Like a Freak

 

So many of us have been raised in environments where failure isn’t an option. A schooling system where people are graded “pass or fail” and told how to answer exam after exam. We then enter the world of work and are put on developmental tracks which value progression over deepening of experience. In our personal lives, there is a tick box of “measurements of success” linked to relationship and economic status; our value is not always linked to our values. But sometimes, the best thing we can do is fail; to walk away from people, places and professions and try sometimes new. This has been discussed before; Elizabeth Day’s “How to Fail” is a perfect example of how we can successfully fail (and how other people have and do all the time!).

 

So often we are given an idea that the world is linear, that those that are deemed successful have a plan and that you need to hang on at all costs. That the next investment, either time or money, will be the one that brings you to the outcome you want. That the fear of being judged for walking away, removing yourself from a situation or admitting defeat, drives people to stay in jobs, relationships and situations that aren’t healthy. We have all overstayed our welcome due to fear, convincing ourselves we can’t or won’t get something better, or that we have invested far too much to give up. But, if we start to understand WHY we stay too long, we can understand when to walk away; simply, how to fail successfully.

 

I was recently listening to a newly discovered podcast, WorkLife with Adam Grant; a fantastic series from TED with Occupational Psychologist Adam Grant. One episode was simply entitled “Rethink a Bad Decision” and was filled with interviews from a whole range of people that understand the psychology of decision making as well as sharing their bad decisions and failures. If you have time, I’d recommend you check it out!  During this, it highlighted several key areas that I want to share with you today; ones that I know will help us successfully fail!

 

First, let’s take some time to understand WHY we work as hard as we do to avoid failure.

 

Psychologists and economics have coined the phrase “escalation of commitment” as the explanation to why people stick to decisions longer than they should. Often, it’s an issue when people are afraid of their projects or ideas failing. This is where you are so tied to YOUR idea or one you support, that the amount of time, faith, money, and attention you provide will escalate. You are so bound to success you are willing to do anything to make it work. This escalation of commitment can even happen when data proves otherwise; it’s believed that the wish to be seen positively by others is one of the drivers of staying the course. People will escalate their commitment to an idea, job, business, or relationship, as they believe eventually EVERYTHING they have done will pay off. This is often called a “sunk cost fallacy”.

 

My garage, combined with my eBay app, is this very issue playing out in real life. Rather than donating the outgrown clothes and unwanted toys, I have them waiting to be sold. You see, I believe that these items still have a financial value and I want to recoup that. Some costs have already been incurred and I want to try, as hard as I can to recover them. So, I invest more time to list online or go to car boot sales, as I believe that these items will reward me financially, as long as I just present them at the right time or the right way! This is a simple, real-life example of the idea of sunk costs

 

In so many careers, business and personal situations, the investment (time, money, attention) that has already been provided has value. By walking away, and not seeing the “thing” through, it would be seen as a waste, so you stick with it, rather than risk being seen as a failure.

But often, in the long run, it’s better to cut your losses and run; as to keep going will take even more time, money and investment; you may never recoup what you have already spent.

 

Sound familiar?

 

So, now we have a brief idea of why we stick to a bad decision to avoid failing, what can we do to reduce this happening? And how can you start making a difference in your life right now?

 

First things first. Get in touch with your non-negotiables. In the podcast with Adam Grant, these are highlighted as “kill signals”; a harsh phrase described  a list of what will trigger stopping or closing down a new project. Absolutes that show it is not working. When you apply this to your life it could be:

 

1. The hours you work.
2. The amount you are paid.
3. The cost to you.
4. The emotions it creates.

 

Just imagine if your “kill signal” was a job where you work past 6pm every night. Or a relationship where you find yourself always doing what they want, or a lifestyle where you are always going into debt. These are absolutes that show you, with data, that things aren’t going in the direction that you want. It gives you the first indication that things need to change.

Having these absolutes can lead to conversation starters, with managers or significant others, to make some changes. However, if they don’t or won’t change, the next step becomes imperative.

 

Recognise everything you have learned and achieved. Consider the skills and relationships in the job; the things you have uncovered about yourself and your needs in the relationships; the knowledge you have gained about what is a healthy lifestyle. By taking the stigma out of perceived failure it allows us to take it for what it is. Another part of our life that contributes to our view of the world and strengthen our character. As Levitt quotes “a temporary setback”. How you deal with failure is more important that avoiding failure.

 

In a world where the only guarantee is that time will pass, regardless of your decision, you might as well start giving yourself a break. Learning how to fail, successfully, gives you the permission to try new things and to create a career to enjoy not endure.

 

I’d love to know what you think. Head over to Creating Careers to Enjoy on Facebook to share your greatest failure!