As a Coach, I’m very lucky to have a suite of tools to hand to support each client. I work with a hypothetical filing cabinet in my mind, scanning for the right “file” to match what they need. Each tool and technique has its place, all helping clients push past any negative beliefs and blocks, helping them create a career to enjoy. The one that I think I enjoy the most, though, is the rocking chair exercise. Today I am going to explain what is so special about it.
Coaching is a forward-thinking discipline; considering what you want in the future, and what you need to gather around you to take the action required. However, the goals we have for the future can so often get mixed up with the expectations, wishes and measures of success of others. The opinions of friends, family, colleagues, managers and society, can cloud our vision; it’s easy to be encouraged onto a path that isn’t quite right. Many of us have been in the position of knowing we aren’t living how we want; however, we don’t know what the alternative is or how to get there.
When I work with clients, a common theme is anxiety about decision making. We live in a period of history where opportunities are abundant but there are real and perceived issues that stand in our way. Our personality preferences, values and responsibilities mean we need to consider the consequences of our personal and professional decisions. We compare ourselves against the “potted highlights” of others, and try to second guess what is right. This emotional noise leads to analysis paralysis and lack of decisions; before we know it, time has passed but nothing has changed. One way of breaking through this inertia is with the rocking chair exercise.
This coaching tool is a visualization exercise, that jumps several decades ahead in our lives, to when we are sat in a metaphorical rocking chair (hence the name!). It asks us to imagine that we are sat, talking to the next generation about our lives (be it grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces, nephews; basically, ANY younger group than us right then!) Like any visualization exercise, if you can fill in as much detail as you can, it helps you settle into the role play. Now, let’s be clear, don’t get too caught up on the rocking chair; it could be a beach chair, a swing chair, or even a bar stool if you are that way inclined!
What makes this exercise so powerful is the description of the legacy you want to leave. You are speaking to the group about what you have achieved AS IF IT HAS HAPPENED! You will use your (often underutilized) powers of imagination to describe, in as much detail as you can, the life you have lived. It feels strange at first, and you may find your logic or self-limiting beliefs getting in the way, leading to false starts. But once you begin, the images you create of this rich and satisfying life, yet to be lived, will show you what is important to you right now!
If you work better with prompts, then these questions can help release you from your current reality and start exploring what is possible, building a picture of how you could live your life. Start by describing what can you see, hear and smell around you right now? How old are you? Where are you living? Go on, grab a pen and paper, now that the scene is set. Then start to answer these prompts:
- What are you most proud of?
- Where have you travelled?
- Who have you spent your time with?
- Where have you lived?
- What do others say about you?
- How will you be remembered?
Finally, this is often the BIG question, but one that you might want to pay the closest attention to.
How do you know you have led the life you have enjoyed?
The rocking chair exercise is a way to describe the life you want, without barriers or expectations from others. But what do you do with this information? Start by making a note of what you have described somewhere close to hand. The rocking chair exercise gives you a deeper understanding of how you want to live your life. With this insight, you can actively work on the actions you need to put in place to make this a reality! Where will you start?
Come along to Creating Careers to Enjoy, to join over 500 people (who happen to be parents) who are working on their careers.
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Clara Wilcox is a straight talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance.
