Book Review: Motherhood by Dr Pragya Agarwal

I’ve been searching for a book on Motherhood for my personal development book club for a while Something that would challenge make me (and others) reflect and speak to the modern conundrum of parenthood. Having read “Sway: Unravelling Unconscious Bias” by Dr Pragya Agarwal, I was confident that “(M)otherhood” would be equally accessible, with prose that paints a picture.

 

A combination of an autobiography and philosophical observation “(M)otherhood*” is a reflection of the choices of being a woman”. Dr Agarwal is a behavioural and data scientist, who spent over 12 years as a senior academic in US and UK universities. A passionate campaigner for racial and gender equality, she is the founder of the research think tank “The 50 Percent Project” and is a freelance journalist. If you haven’t already, make sure you follow her on Twitter. You will find yourself nodding along with her reflections on the world we live in now!

 

“In a world where women have more choices than ever, society nevertheless continues to exert stigma and pressures of less enlightened times when it comes to having children. We define women by whether they embrace or reflect motherhood; whether they can give birth or not.”

 

Dr Agarwal centres her reflection on motherhood around her personal experience; like so many of us, her journey was not a straightforward one. She covers premature birth, miscarriage, abortion, IVF and surrogacy with blistering honesty; you get the impression that the creation of this book was a cathartic experience for her. If you walked a similar journey, you will find yourself nodding in agreement; for those that haven’t, she unlocks the raw emotions of each step to parenthood. 

 

She pulls on a range of sources to reflect on how people are treated when motherhood is an assumed end goal; those that are mothers, those that want to be and cannot and those that don’t want to be. From research projects to art, across cultures, times and religions, there is a constant undercurrent of judgement and expectation. The final chapter reflects on the life-changing impact of the pandemic on women and mothers, closing on a wish that things can start to change for the next generation. However, reading this in the spring of 2022 with the ongoing cost of living crisis and rhetoric around women’s reproductive rights, I am not very hopeful! 

 

The theme that is consistent throughout the book is that of love; that she has for her children and the life she has created. 

That motherhood is not a process but a journey, one that still has far too many external and restrictive expectations. 

 

Like several of the books that arrive on my “read pile” for this personal development book club, I can’t pull out a “lessons learned list” from Motherhood. Like anyone’s life journey, this is one that can only be interpreted by the person reading it. For far too long, women and mothers have been told what their place is in the world, based on a whole host of factors. Ironically, if I were to list the things I have learned from this book, I would be projecting my life, culture, and experience onto you! Which defeats one of the core messages of this book.

So, if you want to find out more about the choices of being a woman, then I recommend you get a copy of the book and challenge the bias, assumptions, and expectations you have been placing on yourself and those around you. 

 

I’d love to know your thoughts on the book. Have you read it? What are your reflections?

 

 

 

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