Book Review: No Hard Feelings by Liz Fosslien & Mollie West Duffy

I’ve got a confession. Balancing my emotions at work has been tricky for me in the past. I’m unapologetically quick to feel and express that with those around me. Yet, as my seniority grew, I had to try and learn how to keep a “lid” on them; irrespective of the pressures that I was under. It is common to be encouraged to share what is classed as positive emotions- joy and excitement, yet to cover up the other side of the journey. I struggled with this, and over the years, ironically, at times I was told I lacked empathy! My journey into coaching has led me to reflect on the power, and challenges of emotions at work. So, when I came across a connection sharing some of the illustrations from “No Hard Feelings: Emotions at Work and how they help us succeed”* by Liz Fosslien & Mollie West Duffy, on LinkedIn, I knew it was one I needed to add to my bookshelf! 

 

“We all know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed with emotions at work – everything from jealousy to insecurity, anxiety to straight up panic – and there’s no field guide to coping with them well.

But we also know that ignoring or suppressing what you feel hurts your health, happiness and productivity.

This book will help you figure out how to express your emotions productively in order to be both happier and more effective at work. Drawing on behavioural economics and psychology, No Hard Feelings will show you how to bring your best self to work every day.” 

 

Covering key topics including Health, Decision Making, Teams, Culture and Motivation, this book seems to be pitched more are those in a leadership position. So, it may assume that it’s only for Managers. I would argue that this is suited for anyone that wants to understand how they can influence the culture of a team or organization they work within. It helps you take a step back and consider how your emotional tendencies, combined with those of your colleagues, can make or break a team dynamic. They add some extra resources at the end of the book to help you unpick an insight into your emotional tendencies in areas including psychological safety and your sense of belonging. If you want to go into this further, I highly recommend you have a look at the authors’ website.  

 

I think we have all been given similar messages as I have around showing emotions; not just at work, but in our private lives too. This book is great at helping you work out and work through those trickier, but very real, emotions, whilst still being effective, and true to yourself. Written by two organizational consultants, this gives us a great insight into the theories behind the behaviour, and techniques to be able to regulate and express ourselves in a healthier way. What it doesn’t do is encourage us to ignore the real issues that our emotions are communicating to us; gone are the days where we are encouraged to leave our personalities at the office door (virtual or real!)

 

 

 In true Clara Cliff Notes style, here are the four things you need to know about “ No Hard Feelings: (Emotions at Work and how they help us succeed(*

 

Everyone is a leader

This is one that seems very obvious but is often forgotten. Whilst your organization may have a hierarchy, being a manager doesn’t automatically make you a leader (or a good one at that). The interactions that we have in the workplace, irrespective of employment status or job title,) influence each other, and the culture of the company, both internally and externally. So consider how you interact with EVERYONE, in every form. Leadership as a concept is one of the most mentioned aspects within the index of this book and covers more than just supervision.

 

The control and motivation connection

So often we feel unmotivated because we are out of control and lacking in challenge. This then has a knock-on effect on so many aspects of our lives; our interactions, our relationships, and our quality of life. There are many aspects that impact motivation if just one of these is “off” you will feel the impact, emotionally. So when you feel lacking in motivation, as if you can impact any of these:

How autonomous are you?

Do you find purpose in your work?

Are you still learning? 

Do you enjoy being with your workmates?

If you are lacking in any of these, then grab the book to find out what you can do about it!

 

Emotions aren’t a distraction, they are communication

This message really hits home during Chapter Four, all about Decision Making. The key to the equation is considering the RELEVANT emotions; what does our reaction tell us about the decision and what is it trying to tell you? Understanding that listening to your feelings is not the same as acting on them, but noticing them is important. 

 

Work isn’t just employment

Whilst this has been centred around a more formal workplace, I can see how this can be applied to a variety of settings; from a sole trader considering their clients and community, to a student reviewing their learning environment. Step about from the theme and really pay attention to the lessons. (So, yes, read the book!) 

 

 

So here are my key takeaways; I’d love to know what you felt about this book. Come over to Creating Careers to Enjoy to share. If you would like to discover more of the book club reviews, you can read them here. 

*This is an affiliate link and if you click and buy, I may get a small commission, but it won’t impact the price you pay.