Book Review: Let’s Talk by Nihal Arthanayake

This book was on my to-read list the minute I heard it was due to be published in the summer of 2022. Broadcaster Nihal Arthanayake helped me through lockdown; I’d often sit listening to his interviews on his BBC Radio 5 Live show when my social interaction and conversation topics were limited! He has a talent for creating the most natural conversation, drawing out such interesting points irrespective of the status or background of the individual or the topic itself. As an essential part of my day job as a coach is having better conversations, I was intrigued by what I would uncover when I read “Let’s Talk (How to Have Better Conversations)*. I was not disappointed. 

 

It’s a fascinating concept and one that maybe you have pondered when you are considering your communication with those around you, both personally and professionally. As the “blurb” tells us, its catalyst is a range of questions, including:

 

“How do you talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to you?

 What happens in the brain when we’re having a good conversation?

 What have smartphones done to how we connect?

 

 Conversations are broken. And while effective dialogue is supposed to lead to greater fulfilment in our personal and professional lives, all the scientific evidence points towards us sharing fewer interactions than previous generations. From ever-decreasing face-to-face meetings to echo chambers online, we no longer have the necessary tools to talk to each other.”

You won’t get a textbook on how to have a better conversation, so if you are looking for a “how-to” guide, then I suggest you look elsewhere. What you do get is a book that is a self-confessed “passion project”. This is the first time I have come across a book like this, which brings together an authority in conversation (in my opinion) alongside an eclectic mix of experts, and psychological theories, combined with celebrity opinion. Nihal’s writing is engaging as his interviews, bringing us a book that covers a range of topics including The Evolution of Communication, The Mechanics of Communication. Let’s Talk About Difficult Conversations and Conversations in the Workplace. There is something for everyone here, and well worth an addition to your library!

 

So, in true Clara Cliff Notes style, here are four things you need to know about “Let’s Talk” by Nihal Arthanayake. 

 

1. You know when you have had a good conversation – pay attention!

Ask yourself the last time you had a good conversation. How did it make you feel? Was it challenging, did you learn something – information or insight – and did it create a connection? Think about how this, and how you can make other people feel when you are interacting with them; however brief that connection may be. 

 

2. A good conversation creates a whole-body response

I found the chapter on The Mechanics of Conversation fascinating; it highlighted how our stress response and the physiological markers change between different types of communication – nothing beats hearing a person’s voice when you communicate! Whilst as a society we can benefit from instant messaging through text and WhatsApp, we are primed to hear rather than see. So maybe we all need to start changing the way we reach out to each other.

 

3. A good conversation takes groundwork

Throughout the book, we are shown the importance of a good conversationalist being driven by knowledge. First, the knowledge of who we are – the change in roles in a conversation based on the situation -, then understanding who we are talking to, and the confidence and comfort to challenge as well as defend your perspective with information. There are times, in a workplace, which means this needs preparation before you start the pre-planned conversation. For other, more casual conversations, it’s the desire to actively listen rather than wait to respond.

 

4. A difficult conversation can be improved

Within the chapter “Conversations in Extremis” we are given insights into conversations with Paramilitaries, Neo-Nazis and Hostage Negotiation; where people with opposing views still find a way to communicate. The overarching message for all these sub-chapters was to find someone willing to listen; find a common ground and slowly build trust. I hope that most of us won’t be in the positions that some of the interviewees were in, there are lessons to be learned about having better conversations with those we disagree with. 

 

I really can’t do this book justice in the review; it’s packed to the brim with such fascinating insights; we are lucky to have a fly-on-the-wall perspective of the conversations that would have happened to generate the content. The only thing lacking for me was actual transcripts of the conversations, in raw form, before they are converted into the prose of the book. We have a great resource as part of the bibliography at the back, and I would like to read the conversations too! In conclusion, “Let’s Talk: How to Have Better Conversations” is a book that gives us insight into why conversations, even the most difficult, as ones that are worth having, I leave you with a quote from one of our previous book club authors, Matt Haig “ A very impassioned defence of conversation as an art”.

 

 

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