Book Review: All the feels: How technology can change our emotional lives for the better” by Pamela Pavliscak

How does this title make you feel? Hopeful? Sceptical? Intrigued? I think many of us have a complicated relationship with technology. One that has changed as technology and its impact on our lives have evolved.   I tend to have a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to technology, a love-hate, you may call it. But I am always interested in those who research this topic, and Pamela Pavliscak has made this her life’s work.  So, let’s start to talk about “All the feels: How technology can change our emotional lives for the better”, by Pamela Pavliscak.*

Pavliscak studies the “future of feeling”. With a fascinating background blending psychology, design and human-computer interaction, she works towards understanding (and helping others understand) emotional lives in a digital world. She is optimistic AND a realist about technology; she takes a perspective on rather than “raging against the machines”, we can learn how to live with them, and “improve our emotional state in the process”. I started reading this book quite on the defensive, particularly about AI, and finished, well, just as negatively about AI, but also more hopeful about technology, generally.

This book is full of research, Pavliscak’s and that from others across psychology, communication, sociology and media scholars. It opens with reassuring conclusions from a recent University of Oxford meta-study (analysis of data from several studies), looking at the psychological wellbeing of almost 2.5 million people across the world, covering sixteen years. It was revealed that no statistically significant link was found between internet use and mental health (using measurements of anxiety, depression and self-harm). This book, in its own way, works to explain why that may be.

This discussion is structured around the following types of digital emotions, and what we can do about them!

Atomize (how feelings are becoming more nuanced thanks to the internet)
Amplify (how we create a rich online presence)
Ambient(how we get in sync in virtual places)
Attune (how relationships can become stronger because of the internet) ,
Augment (how we hack our senses online to feel our feelings)
Animate  (how our feelings about hots can help us be kinder to each other)
Awaken (What’s next for our hybrid emotional life)

She uses the concept of people falling into either a Stoic (living a virtuous life as a path to wellbeing) or a Romantic (embrace emotions as a path to beauty, meaning and transcendence) approach to feelings as the guide to how to influence your digital emotions. Each chapter closes with suggestions on how to adapt to have the healthiest and happiest feelings with and towards tech. Bearing in mind it’s found that people spend an average of 7 hours a day online, it’s time we take more of an active approach to how it can make us feel.

So, in true Clara Cliff Notes style, here are the four things you need to know about All The Feels.

We need to name our feelings, not ignore them

By engaging and then naming our feelings as emotions, we can deepen our experience of life. There is an important interplay between our internal experience and our environment, and when we bring the two together, it’s healthier to identify names for what we are experiencing. It’s beneficial to create new names for the emotion’s modern life and the technology within it make us feel.

 

Emojis are not just for fun

The way we express ourselves online, from emojis, GIFs, exaggerations, and new phrases, is a way of filling in the gaps that the subtleties of body language and tone often convey. They are more than just fun; it’s been found in studies that an emoticon has “light up” the same place in our brain as faces do!

Online communities count

I think we all felt this during lockdown; online communities, Zoom quizzes and more still felt like community. Having a shared purpose, especially when it makes us feel good, does ripple out into real life, from an online platform.

Used intentionally, tech can build solid relationships

We live in a connected world, and sometimes it can be easier to get “lazy” using tech. I know that I can! However, within the chapter Attune, we are shown how, with conscious and consistent use, tech like messaging apps can make relationships stronger, as long as you use it to communicate, rather than message! That looks like conversations, authenticity and routine.

I finished the book still feeling very uneasy about AI, especially as a way of building social skills, practising conversations and how some use it as companionship. But, overall, the book takes a realistic approach to the reality of modern tech. As Pavliscak’s reminds us, ALL new technologies have been steeped in the warning of a breakdown of communications. From the initial radio to the TV, we were told it would stop families talking. However, if we remain in control of how we use tech, rather than focusing on how much or how often, there is hope for us to “change our emotional lives for the better”.

If you have enjoyed this book review, you may like to read these:

Book Review: Choose Joy (relieve burnout, focus on your happiness and infuse more joy into your everyday life) By Sophie Cliff
Book Review The Phone Fix (How To Transform Your Smartphone Habits) by Dr Faye Begeti
Book Review: Let’s Talk by Nihal Arthanayake

I’m Clara Wilcox, the Return to Work and Career coach who helps parents enjoy their careers again.

Return to work, career & redundancy coaching for individuals, freelancers, businesses and parents & carer groups. Book a call to talk about coaching or career wellbeing workshops.
If you would like to carry on supporting my reviews, feel free to buy me a coffee!
This article contains affiliate links. If you click and purchase, I may get a few pennies!