Book Review: How to keep house While Drowning by KC Davis

I am now over a year on from my first read of “How to Keep House While Drowning”*, which I first worked my way through in May 2022. Because of this, the review will provide a unique perspective compared to some of the other personal development books. Not only can I share with you the lessons learned, aka Clara Cliff Notes, but I can also highlight how the tools within this book have changed me, over 12 months on. Let’s dig into “How to Keep House While Drowning” By K.C. Davis.

I came across author and counsellor, KC Davis, via TikTok. Their open and honest conversation and advice around the weight of the mental, and physical, load, of keeping your home clean and tidy spoke to me. I grew up being told I was untidy as a teenager; my boyfriend (now husband) would tidy my university bedroom when he came to visit! Now, we joke about the “piles” around the house – they have order and direction for me, but they are visual clutter for those around them. Whilst I am seemingly organised and logical, the daily requirements for tidying and clutter regularly overwhelm me. As I firmly reach my middle forties, I have had enough of feeling shame and embarrassment about what is seemingly easy for others to do. So, when I saw the marketing for this book via KC’s social media channels, I knew I had to track it down.

“How to Keep House While Drowning” is not a fashionable “clean-Tok” or Konmari type of approach, where you are shamed into categorising and creating order in a life that feels anything but. Like her socials, it’s an honest conversation about the realities of looking after your physical environment when it’s just another thing to add to an overwhelmingly long list.

Its sub-title “A gentle approach to cleaning and organising ” sums it up; it’s a title to teach you how to:

• Set up your home to work for you.
• Soothe stress and anxiety about setting priorities.
• Stagger tasks to manage housework to avoid procrastination.
• Permit yourself to rest, even when things aren’t finished.

This book has been created with neurodivergent people in mind, including the typeface, the layout, and the explanations of the metaphors that are used within the easily understandable, short, and clear chapters. It is the first time, in my experience, that this has been explicitly considered – and I hope that many other non-fiction/self-help titles will take the lead. KC has experienced post-natal depression, and recently has uncovered her ADHD; so, these tools and techniques have helped her personally. Layered on top of this is her profession: she is a licensed counsellor. She has taken all this experience to create a book that will help EVERYONE that feels like they are drowning. There is no checklist or criteria you must fulfil for this book – simply the desire to be kinder to yourself whilst looking after the space you live in.

The book is based on a philosophy, rather than a set of rules. This allows everyone to tweak and change their approach based on what they need. Ultimately, it helps you find the best way for you, and the best way is the one that gets things done!

Without further ado, here are the six things you need to know about How to Keep House While Drowning …

It’s all about Care Tasks
 KC Davis stresses how important it is to consider the self and the space that we exist in. When they talk about “keeping house” it’s in the context of care tasks, not a list of chores. Care Tasks are morally neutral, and it is stressed how you do these and when are not connected to you as a person or your value. She encourages readers to ask themselves where those beliefs around laziness, and untidiness came from. Whose voice do you hear when you are critical? 

Your space serves you …
Not the other way around. We are encouraged to consider the functionality (one or more of health & safety, comfort, happiness) of our space, and the activities you need to do, to keep it “clean and tidy”. This means different things to different people, and it will mean different things to you at different times of your life. So, question WHY you do what you do? There are lots of functional examples within the book. such as laundry: do you need to iron, or even fold the washing? We are encouraged to question and create new ways of doing things that will allow the real function of the space to be revealed. 

Care tasks are kind! 
Completing care tasks (such as washing up, preparing lunchboxes, putting the washing on, or clearing a table) are seen as kindness to your future self. This self-talk can also help give you a boost when things feel hard; for example, what is the least you could do to help the future you? She is very clear that an important part of this kindness is considered your reality: your health (physical and mental), resources, responsibilities, finance, and energy.

Some systems can help.
Whilst KC Davis is not creating a never-ending list of checklists and processes, she does supply a framework that can help you get started (like the “five things tidying method). However, she frames this with an important perspective. Firstly (and quite a game changer for me), being organised is not the same as being tidy! She highlights that tidy vs messy is simply how quickly things return to their rightful space. Secondly, a house is never clean – it’s in a cycle! KC Davis encourages the concept of good enough and asks us to consider the idea of resetting rather than tidying.

 Task initiation vs motivation 
 As a qualified practitioner, Davis shows us the “inner workings” of struggle and gives an overview of the circumstances where executive functioning differences can impact starting tasks (including and not limited to ADHD, depression, stress and sleep deprivation) She provides some great example of what she calls “on-ramping” ways to start you off; from positive music association, bundling, permission to start, first steps, utilising wait times, body doubling and visual timers. (I’ve intentionally not explained these in detail, to make sure you grab the book to learn more!)

 Rest is not a reward for completion.
 How often have you told yourself you can rest when you are finished; both from work and home? KC Davis highlights you can and must rest when you want and need. Like work is never finished, care tasks are ongoing. She challenges us to consider where this message has come from. Within this conversation is the issue of division of labour- especially when there is more than one adult in the house. She proposes rather than making “work” “equal” (as is so common), make rest fair. Within this, is the clear definition of what true rest is (you can find that on pages 100-101)

To say it has changed my life would seem like an understatement. No, I haven’t got a fully organised house and become the householder of the year. What it has done is removed the long-standing beliefs about how things “should be done”, opened vulnerable conversations, and enabled me to look after the environment I live in, in a way that suits me, rather than the systems and expectations that have been imposed upon me. Simply, I think differently, and I finally have the tools to create and manage my space in a way that works for me! 

This book works best if it’s read more than once, and utilised to create conversations and not only when we feel like we are drowning, but to set up a functional house and care tasks that will help everyone create a home that works. 

Have you read How to Keep House Whilst Drowning? Let me know your thoughts in Creating Careers to Enjoy. 

If you found this review useful, then you can buy me a coffee! 

 

*This is an affiliate link: if you buy via it, I may get a small commission.