Book Review: The Mother of All Jobs by Christine Armstrong

“How to have children and a career and stay sane (ish)”* may be a tongue-in-cheek subtitle of a book, but it highlights a very real issue. It can feel like an uphill battle to balance all the things that modern parenting entails, alongside personal ambition and the very real need to earn a wage. When the book was published in 2018, it was responding to the growing demands of longer working hours, 24-hour access through tech and the structural difficulties and discrimination that so many working parents (the bulk of whom happen to be mums) face. Reading it in 2024, it’s just as relevant!

Christine Armstrong is a consultant and can pull together data, insight, and reflections in the most accessible and amusing way. If you don’t already follow her on LinkedIn, I highly recommend it. She leads Armstrong and Partners and cites her job as conducting and reviewing research into what works and doesn’t. She is perfectly placed to author a book on this issue.

She is clear at the offset that the interviews she undertakes and the observations she crafts can’t cover all – so bear this in mind when you read it. For example, there are many references to having a Nanny as a childcare option; this is something that is very much not on my agenda nor that of the people I spend my time with. Because of this, it may feel uncomfortable when you read it, and the power of this book is the discomfort it creates.

The best way to describe the content is a parental mentor in a book; it asks all the questions about parenthood and working you were afraid to ask and answers them as bluntly and honestly as you hoped for. Each chapter represents someone in a different stage of their parenting journey; it begins with someone considering getting pregnant and ends with parenting teenagers. I laughed with my other half that if I had read this book before we had kids, I wonder if it would have put me off, and strangely I think that is a good perspective to have. This shows the real pressure that many people are under, the choices that we must make and the impact this has on relationships, finances, and choices. But it also shows us the way that people are working their way through these challenges, the lessons they have learned from their successes and challenges and how we can use this to move forward.

Whilst it’s pitched for parents, I honestly think this needs to be read by all managers, policymakers and leaders. This book is full of the struggles that your team won’t bring to the office desk – I know, as these are the challenges that they bring to coaching sessions with me. Digest it, learn from it, and take full consideration of the proposals for improvements suggested in the book’s conclusion.

I think this is a great conversation starter for anyone thinking of having children, those who are in the grips of the early days and considering the future; if we can get ahead of each stage, with the joys and the challenges it brings, families or all shapes and sizes can get closer to the aim “having children and stay sane (ish).” However, it’s important to remember that the responsibility of this balance does not sit solely on the shoulders of parents, society needs to review the expectations, pressures and judgements it places on parents, and work to create a society that values balance over the balance sheet.

In true Clara Cliff Notes style, these are the four things you need to know from The Mother of All Jobs:

Be the worst capitalist you can!
Taken from the “Plan for Living,” Armstrong’s personal manifesto stresses the need not to feel bound by money and the external trapping of success. This means that you can, theoretically, have more choices when it comes to work. However, writing that statement during the worst cost of living crisis since the Second World War doesn’t feel as hopeful as it could. But, for those who have younger children, I can state that the things you think they need aren’t always the things that matter.

Seek and maintain a social network.
Both as a unit and as individuals, it’s important you have people around you for social, emotional and practical support. Make sure you maintain the bonds you have and develop the new ones you may create through your new and expanding role as parents.

Think decades not years.
Gone are the days when we work to retire, the longevity of our working lives looks nothing like they were when we entered the market. Take a leaf from the concept of The 100-Year Life and consider how your work and life needs and wants change over time. It’s not all or nothing, and it’s not now, or never.

Be unapologetically YOUR version of a working parent.
However hard it seems, try not to compare, or beat yourself up with guilt. Be conscious and intentional about how you want your career to be and set up your life to allow that. Do it with your eyes open, understanding what you can control, and have open conversations with the people that matter (your partner and children come to mind) and try not to be distracted by the expectations of others.

The rest of the Plan for Living shares some interesting takes on what the author would like to see happen, and she invites the reader to create their own plan, after reading and digesting the book. If you have read the book, I’d love to know your take on it; what will you take forward to generate your plan?

Come over to Careers to Enjoy to share your views.

You’ll be able to read the previous book reviews here.

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