An (older) child’s views on working parents

Five years ago, almost to the day, I sat down and asked my then 10-year-old daughter to share her thoughts on working parents. I was less than a year into my self-employment journey and was interested to see what she thought about all of this. When I made this move for my career and work-life balance, it was in part to be around more for her and her younger sister. But, that wasn’t the only reason. I wanted it for me. To craft a career that could tap into all the elements of my previous employed life that I enjoy, whilst having control of my diary, my personal development, and my measures of success. Now, that daughter is 15, and I wanted to revisit her views on working parents.

It comes as no surprise as my business has matured and secured its position in my career, my children have witnessed the highs and challenges that self-employment can bring. What I didn’t expect, when I started The Balance Collective, that for the best part of a year, they would be at home watching both myself and their Dad work, whilst we witness them “in the classroom”. With this in mind, I thought it would be interesting to revisit the conversation with my eldest, and to share with you some prompts that you could use with your children.

 

“Welcome back Grace! Five years on from the original blog, what are your thoughts on working parents now? 

When you get older you appreciate work more! I have a job now, I have to work for pocket money. As you get older you understand the value of money; toys, clothes, food and bills aren’t as cheap as you thought they are! 

 

You can appreciate how stressful it can be when you see your parent balancing it all. 

 

Lots of my clients feel that they are pulled in two directions; their careers and their kids. What message would you give them? 

 

If your only role is a parent, I think you’ll annoy your kids. You need time apart. You shouldn’t feel guilty for that, don’t forget your children love you as default! Instead, value the time you do have together and be present. Value your time at work, when you are there as well.  

 

How has the pandemic (seeing both parents working from home, and talking with your friends about their families) impacted your thoughts around work?

 

It has made me realize how much employers can push and that you have to push back for balance in your life. It made me see, that generally, there can be a difference between self-employed working from home and employed. With self-employment, it seems you can choose and how and when you work. When you work for other people, you are under a lot more pressure to get things done. I would hope that more people can work more flexibly after this year! 

I hadn’t realized how much goes into a job, and that includes self-employment too. The admin, the planning, the finances. There are lots that you have to do, to be able to do your actual job!

 

What are your hopes for the future?

Hopefully, paternity leave is as long as maternity or has the option to be! 

I also hope that businesses think about school holidays when allocating how many days of leave someone can have. There are ten weeks of school holidays! Give parents a chance to be with their kids. 

 

What do you want for your work-life balance?

Because I see what you do, and that you have a good work-life balance, I see work as a positive thing, and more people are choosing work that they enjoy. I never understood in the past why you would only work for money and get stressed. I’ve come to realise, as I’ve got older people, don’t have the choice, or they don’t feel they have many options.  

When I am older, I am planning on doing a job that I enjoy all the time. Hopefully, it won’t feel like such a drastic shift between work and non-work. I hope that I get enough sleep and can look after my well-being. I want my life to be fun; I don’t think work has to be a negative thing. Work-life balance won’t be an issue as it’s something that I WANT to do. 

 

Finally, like the last blog, what three pieces of advice would you give to parents that work? 

1. Set boundaries with employers. Even though it seems difficult, remember they need you more than you think they do.
2. Schedule in time with your kids. Though it sounds structured and weird, if you want to have time to spend time with your kids, make time. This will help them know you want to spend time with them. Be intentional in the same way that you schedule in work! 
3. If you have been thinking of switching job paths or becoming self-employed, then do it. It will be scary but others will see how much happier you are. “

 

I enjoyed sitting down and having a chat with my eldest about this. How do you think your kids would answer these questions? They may just surprise you!

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