How can you support your career during stressful times in your life?

Our lives are not isolated; we cannot simply shut out the realities of a full and complex life. There are times when the challenges in our personal lives can become so overwhelming that they affect our ability to perform at work, whether as an employee or self-employed. That can create another level of stress, and it becomes a vicious circle. It will come as no surprise to read that this is an issue that is often covered in my Return to Work and Career Coaching. So, in this blog, I want to focus on how you can support your career during stressful times in your life.

I don’t think anyone is immune to the pressure of change, unpredictability and life concerns. From bereavement, ill health, relationship breakdown, and money concerns, all these things place us under stress. They can make us, and our nervous system, feel like we are under threat. When our energies and attention are given to managing things that affect the very structure of our lives, work can feel like the last straw, leading to long-term implications around our well-being.  You can feel your anxiety increase, tempers shorten, sleep be disturbed, critical thinking skills disappear, and creativity extinguish. Does this sound familiar?

However, there may be times when your private life can be overwhelming, but your day-to-day role can provide the stability and security needed to manage or accept life changes. For me, work has been central to my identity during major life transitions, the one stable thing is a world of uncertainty.

With all this in mind, I want to share some thoughts, lessons and resources, which may help if any of this rings true.

1. It is OK for work to take the backseat for a while.

This may sound like I am contradicting myself, so let me explain. Work is a part of your life as a whole. It helps you with your identity, sense of purpose and (often most importantly) paying your way. However, it doesn’t need to be your only purpose. No one can, or ought to, expect anyone to be able to bury or ignore the stresses in life. If you need to take a step back, lower your expectations, and reduce your energy, then do so. Now, I am working on the assumption you have a psychologically safe environment that allows you to do this; I am very aware (especially based on some clients that I coach, that isn’t always the case.) So, it brings me to point number 2…

2. Utilise your safe people or policies.

Who can you share your concerns or current situation with? Larger companies often have employer assistance programmes – can they offer some support – be it practical or therapeutic? Can you share with your line manager what is happening, to enable them to understand the current circumstances? If you work for yourself, how would it feel to share some or all of your circumstances, so that clients and contacts have a context? There are times when simply sharing is enough to help you focus and manage expectations; for other situations, this may lead to a more formal support package (such as a temporary change in working locations/hours) or signposting to places that can help.

3. Work on your nervous system.

Think about how you feel when you are calm – I imagine the sensations that you are listing can also be used to describe one simple situation. Safety. When life is stressful, the body will do what it does best – protect us. And that means getting ready to fight or flee – to protect or run away. The joy of modern living means that we can’t always do what we are biologically programmed to do, which means it is harder for your system to get back into a place of safety. Modern-day stresses are often psychological or emotional, so it’s harder for us to physically remove ourselves. So, work on what you need to do to manage these sensations – movement is a powerful tool, alongside deep breathing (as it signals to the body that we are safe) and social connection, are all good ways to manage overwhelm and manage our mental health as parents.

4. Manage your “negative self-talk”.

I am not, for one moment, advocating for “just think positive thoughts”. Anyone who has spent time with me (personally or professionally) knows that isn’t my style. However, I do believe in managing the internal chatter, and potential catastrophizing, which can occur when we are under stress and pressure. Try, if you can, to understand the purpose of this internal monologue  (this book review and this blog could help), to then be able to work out what is real and what is imagined. So often our negative self talk leads us to try and “fix” hypothetical problems; it is better use of your time and attention to work on what is actually happening (using the language of Project Management, it is the different between a risk – which may happen- and an issue – which is happening).

5. Work on only what you can control.

Finally, and leading on from the earlier point, work out what you can control. We can take up lots of time and energy on the things we can’t – when we feel out of control and under pressure, focusing on something feels constructive. When you are calmer (after following the above steps) you can better understand what you can influence, what to take ownership of and what is, ultimately, out of your hands. This a great way to refocus – both personally and professionally, and can help you make clearer decisions when, before, in a state of overwhelm, it just feels “too much”.. This process can also help you “loopback” to point number two, as a decision may have been made to utilise your safe person or policies.

I hope that these points can help you or those within your team. As a final point, it’s essential to remember that there are communities, from peer groups to charities to government organisations, that are in place to help support you through times of trouble. You can find many of them and their details in the blog,  Resources and Advice to Support Parental Wellbeing. Please reach out and know, hat you aren’t alone.