This #1 New York Times Bestseller has been on my to-read pile for a while. Whilst I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to start the book (which BTW has sold over 6 million copies) I’ve been following the author Mark Manson on Facebook. There, he shares straight to the point articles and posts that focus where you need to concentrate or limit your energy. So, I was looking forward to dipping into “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”* for The Balance Collective Personal Development Book Club.
Before I start digging into my thoughts on the book, let’s see what the blurb says:
“In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be “positive” all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.
For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. “F**k positivity,” Mark Manson says. “Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it.” In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected modern society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.”
There has been a boom of books that a) swear a lot b) encourage a life that doesn’t get so caught up in the “should” approach. To help people pay attention to the things that really matter – and to stop being caught up in the things that, well, you shouldn’t give a F*ck about.
This book, however, just grated me. Yes, like all books in my book reviews, I got to the end, and will be sharing the things that I think are useful for you to know. But his tone was one of harshness, almost intentionally controversial at times. Like a brash, aggressive person that just wanted to talk the loudest. As one of the reviews from the website goodreads said “Have you ever been in a bar and had a know-it-all tell you everything you need to know about life without any evidence to back up what he’s saying? That’s what this book felt like.”
The often-used F-bomb even grated me, even as someone who is known to not be precious over cursing. It’s a real shame, as within this book are some good points. But these points have been in other, less aggravating books like “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fu**K”* by Sarah Knight or “How to be F*cking Awesome” by Dan Meredith.
What five things can you learn from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson:
Prioritise
There are only some many hours in the day, and we all have a limit about the effort, money, and attention we can give to all the facets of our lives. So, prioritise! Only focus on the things that really matter to you.
Be mindful
So many of us are striving for the next best thing; new job, new car, big holiday, more money. We are investing in the emotional reaction to these things – but that feeling never lasts. So, then we strive again. Manson refers to the “hedonic treadmill”; the idea that we are always working hard to change our life situation, but never feel any different. So pay attention to what matters in your life and work to maintain it, rather than always striving for change.
Live by your values
The hardest thing to do is to strive for things that don’t actually matter to you. Pay attention to the activities and wishes that bring something valuable into your life. Manson defines a good value as that is “reality-based, socially constructive and immediate and controllable”. Are you working towards this?
The power of control
Often the things we give the biggest f8cks about, that take up our energy and headspace, aren’t actually within our control. That’s why, ironically, why we give such massive f8cks about them! What are you choosing to concentrate on? How does that make you feel? You can use this awareness of control to choose what you don’t concentrate on too!
What is your legacy
Often in coaching I do a “rocking chair” exercise. If you were coming to the end of your life, what would you want to be remembered for? Often, the things we give the most attention to is not important. When you think about where it’s worth putting your f*cks to, consider if it will matter in a few years’ time to you.
I can imagine those who take the book’s advice to heart to lose a few friends along the way. Although I think at the heart of it, it does make sense. We are all spending time concentrating on the things that really don’t matter. Having the mindset to put in physical and emotional boundaries in place is healthy, but, for me, this isn’t the book to help me on the way!
Do you disagree? Have you read it and loved it? Let me know here or join Creating Careers to Enjoy to carry on the conversation.
*This link is an affiliate link. If you click on it and buy anything I may get a few pennies, but it won’t cost you anything extra.
Clara Wilcox is a straight-talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective has a social mission focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance. Isn’t it time you had a career to enjoy, not endure? Talk to me NOW about how I can help.
Clara Wilcox is a straight talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance.
