Why we need to stop apologising for our children

We have all been there, especially over the last few months; an important meeting, or a phone call, and our offspring come in and want to tell us something VERY important! Once upon a time we were able to have some separation between our working life and home life; now, we are lucky if we can shut a door! However, the one thing that I have seen a lot of (and I include myself in this) is how sorry we are for this interruption. I have decided that we need to stop apologising for our children.

I am sure we can all recall the moment when Professor Robert Kelly’s family gate-crashed his BBC interview in 2017; and how quickly this went viral. Professor Kelly’s response has been picked apart; comedy comparisons with skits showing how a multi-tasking mother would have handled the same situation. What saddened me at the time, was his belief that he had “..blown it in front of the whole world… we both assumed that was the end of my career as a talking head”. I think we all know that in fact, this raised his profile and the requests for his expert opinion have continue.

Now many have our children, of all ages, at home. Their safe and playful space has been taken over by computers and work conversations that usually are kept separate. Likewise, us as parents are finding new ways of working. Whilst we all know that being able to focus on one at a time is important for productivity, right now that isn’t  possible. We all know when a child is focused on chatting to you, no sign or office door will stop them!

We have all been there, especially over the last few months; an important meeting, or a phone call, and our offspring come in and want to tell us something VERY important! Once upon a time, we were able to have some separation between our working life and home life; now, we are lucky if we can shut a door! However, the one thing that I have seen a lot of (and I include myself in this) is how sorry we are for this interruption. I have decided that we need to stop apologising for our children.

I am sure we can all recall the moment when Professor Robert Kelly’s family gate-crashed his BBC interview in 2017; and how quickly this went viral. Professor Kelly’s response has been picked apart; comedy comparisons with skits showing how a multi-tasking mother would have handled the same situation. What saddened me at the time, was his belief that he had “..blown it in front of the whole world… we both assumed that was the end of my career as a talking head”. I think we all know that in fact, this raised his profile and the requests for his expert opinion have continued.

Now many have our children, of all ages, at home. Their safe and playful space has been taken over by computers and work conversations that usually are kept separate. Likewise, us as parents are finding new ways of working. Whilst we all know that being able to focus on one at a time is important for productivity, right now that isn’t possible. We all know when a child is focused on chatting to you, no sign or office door will stop them!

Yet again the precarious balance of working from home with kids, whilst being interview on live TV, has been highlighted. In one week, both the BBC and Sky have featured two professionals, who happen to be mothers; both of their children make an appearance.  Now, what struck me as interesting is how hard both these working women apologised for their children being there. This was a stark difference to Prof. Kelly, whose nonchalant response to his children meant the interview continued; however, his approach was highly criticised and his parenting was questioned!

Let’s turn to Dr Clare Wenham who, when discussing the COVID-19 pandemic with presenter Christian Fraser, was “gate-crashed” by her daughter; both Dr Wenham and Fraser engaged with the little one then carried on with the interview. In comparison, Sky News foreign affairs editor Deborah Haynes looked mortified when her child appeared; her colleague, Mark Austin, was quick to end the interview, citing “We’ll leave Deborah Haynes in full flow there with some family duties… but that’s what happens during lockdown.”

In a world where children are no longer “seen and not heard”, these three examples show clearly, we still have miles to go when it comes to working alongside our children. Even more, it shows the bias that STILL exists about working parents both in the media and the world of work and about what ‘professionalism’ should be.  In 2020, it appears that children are still considered a distraction and an embarrassment when they appear.

I think, right now, we need to start changing that narrative.

At the time of writing, we are over 100 days into multi-faceted lockdown in the UK. My children haven’t been to school since 17^th March and there are no signs of that changing until at least September. I have run workshops, delivered 1:1 coaching session, recorded podcasts and had meetings all whilst they are roaming freely around their home. Whilst I have explained to them both that at times I can’t be interrupted and have a strategically placed sign on my “office” door, they don’t’ always abide by those wishes. Even the 14-year old has wandered in, during THE MOST inconvenient time. Now, I know that I don’t always handle it well; you may have been on a recent resilience workshop where you were subject to my youngest sharing her latest HAMA beads creation. Yes, my face blushed and there was a nervous laugh. But, I gave her the attention she needed in that moment, she left, and then the world carried on turning!

The world of work WILL change after what we have experienced globally. Many of you will have found your entrepreneurial spark, or your wish to pack up and travel the world, homeschooling alongside your work. You may not have an office to go back to and need to flex your hours around your childcare. Ultimately, there will be more days where our children are at home whilst we are working. How would it feel if we just accepted that interruptions happen; if we stop being embarrassed, mortified, and concerned about being seen as unprofessional, and simply brought out children into our working world. Just for that moment.

How would it feel, for those that have older children, or no children at all, that we don’t judge other’s abilities by having to parent whilst working, or assume that you are helping them by making the decisions on their behalf? What if you asked what someone needs rather than judging, however well-intended it may be.

The children of now are the leaders of the tomorrow. Why don’t we start creating the future that we want them to have, by living it right now? Let’s remove the embarrassment, and judgement, and be proud that we are managing to juggle all the hats that we wear!

What do you think? Let me know by joining Creating Careers to Enjoy and sharing your thoughts on stopping apologising for our children.