Crisis of confidence? How one question can help you.

When you work with a coach, a good coach that is, you won’t actually notice yourself being coached. I’m going to unapologetically put myself into the pile of ‘good coach’ as that is what my clients have told me they feel. That it’s an insightful, straight talking and action focused conversation. Yet, what they don’t notice is my brain going ten to a dozen with all the processes, tools and systems I have learned and developed over the years. For those that are in the know, the backbone of my coaching style is the GROW model; which represents GOAL, REALITY, OPTIONS and WAY FORWARD. Well, that is what it stands for in my world, at least!

I always find the O – options the most insightful, interesting, creative and, occasionally, funny part of the process. We tap into the playful nature that we all have, but be rarely use, to unpick possibilities whilst throwing away social convention, expectation, pressure and, sometimes temporarily, ethics and laws (to REALLY open up the mind). I so strongly trust this method that I use it on myself.

Let me show you how. I recently needed a bit of creative boost. I sat down and thought, ” I could do with a little more money.” (couldn’t we all!) I have a financial goal in mind (its holiday related) and thought I would go through one of the techniques I support clients with.

When we go through the different options, it is easy to get stuck into the standard way of thinking. To rehash tried and tested approaches and let our own concerns, risks, beliefs, and history narrow our minds.

One of the most interesting ways of uncovering different options is to ask the simple question:

“What would x do?”

This is where you think of someone close to you, maybe a family member, a friend or someone you admire, and consider what they would do in a similar circumstance.  If you are working through a goal that has confidence at the centre of it, then make sure that person has a level of confidence you aspire to.  To add another layer to it, you could even consider fictional characters or celebrities!

Once you have that person in mind, ask yourself what would x do? However scary or uncomfortable this is, make sure you list down all the options.  Even the most obscure can contain the grain of option that can offer you a different perspective, a challenge, a glimmer of hope or a choice!

Now, back to me! I sat and considered someone who had a very different belief system and confidence around money than I.  I held that person’s image in my mind, and I listed everything I think they would do to raise some funds for a holiday. Even though some of the options made me feel uncomfortable, they made it onto the list. Once I was finished, I chose the one that was the most possible and exciting for me, that I could do straight away.

Usually, I am a “save the pennies and pounds will come” person. This person is more of a “spend the money and I’ll sort it out later”.

So, off to the shops I went and took a risk. It was a calculated risk; a whole £3 that I was prepared to lose! 

Yes, I bought three pounds worth of scratch cards. It was a gamble, but something that I wouldn’t normally do!

The result – unfortunately, I didn’t get a winner, but it got me thinking a little differently. You could say I have borrowed a bit of his confidence and his faith that things will just work out! That sometimes you need to take a risk and try something different. So, I will continue to work through the other options on the list until I hit my goal!

So next time you are feeling at a crossroads, ask yourself the simple question of “What would x do?”. You never know where the answer may take you.

Who could you watch and learn from? Join The Balance Collective with Clara Wilcox to tell us about what confidence issues you are working on at the moment.

Want to work together on your next career or business goal? Find out how I work and how I help people just like you!