When you start your own business it easy to slip into the habit of saying YES to everything. Having taken the leap, and the associated risks, having full control of your schedule, your time and how you spend it, can feel exhilarating. Once the initial excitement of going alone has worn off, it can be easy to slip into bad habits. One of the worst for your wellbeing, and for your bank balance, is the lack of boundaries.

Look, I’m not judging; it doesn’t matter what your route into self-employment and business is or was, we have all been there. All of us have been surrounded by others creating boundaries around us. When we are at school we are told how to behave, what success looks like; we are even told when to eat! For those that have been employed, that continues.  Often it where to work, when to work, how to communicate, maybe even what to wear! On top of this there are the subtleties around our family dynamic and cultures. It’s no surprise that when we are handed the metaphorical reigns, we don’t know where to start!  Before you learn how to express your boundaries, you need to actually identify what they are!

What is the risk of not having boundaries?

You may not recognise or admit that you are boundaryless; you may think that you are open, flexible and helpful. But you may recognise some of these signs:

1. You feel overworked
2. You feel overwhelmed
3. You feel undervalued

Saying YES to everything, then working out how to do it, it a well-used piece of business advice. But a boundaryless YES, where you are being stretched past your physical and emotional capacity is not useful for anyone.  Often, we only recognise that our unconscious boundaries are being breached, as we feel it. It’s an emotional reaction that often occurs way past the point of return. How would it feel if you were able to start of every connection or conversation feeling comfortable to share what you will or will not do?

How do you create boundaries?

To create boundaries, you need to understand what rules you want to create for your life; you could call these your Standard Operating Procedures if you wish! In the work I do with my clients on their work-life balance, there tends to be some core areas that need to be looked at, to develop their rules.  I’ve listed these for you now, so work through them to create your rules.

1. Availability
This is not just working hours, this is understanding the time you want for yourself, your family, friends, and activities. That can lead to conversations such as “I don’t work Fridays”, “My hours of work are between x and y” or “I don’t do overnight stays” as an example. Simple and straight to the point!

2. Access
This is about how people get hold of you; in the age of 24/7 connection through social media and email, it can be easy to be always on. The fear of missing our opportunities is a real one, so make sure that you communicate your boundaries. Don’t forget the power of the out of office!

3. Downtime
I hope you can see this is related to point one and two. Look at your year as a whole, plan in your holidays, your thinking time, your self-care time. When you think about work boundaries, it can be easy to consider how you can fit more in. Where are you going to recharge and reenergise?

4. Values
Are you aware of your measures of success? That is just the starting point when it comes to values. It’s also about what behaviour and attitudes you want in your life – from clients, friends, family and associates – what you are prepared to “put up with” and what is a hard, and firm, NO. When you are aware of these, you will be on high alert to see this when you are working and connecting with people. It gives you the chance to identify “red flags” early, so you aren’t pulled into situations that you don’t want to be in. It could be as simple as someone not respecting your office hours, but having that awareness upfront means you can manage that communication and the relationship.

With these four steps, you can start creating your rules; once you know these you will start integrating them in the way you do business AND live your life.  You can unapologetically explain how you work, and this will move into other areas of your life too.

What will you include in your boundaries checklist?

Clara Wilcox is a straight-talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance. Isn’t it time you had a career to enjoy, not endure? Talk to me NOW about how I can help.