We are living in extraordinary (no, not going to say unprecedented) times! So much of what we had planned, and hoped for, in 2020 has gone out the metaphorical window. This is leading many of us to question what is important to us; not just in career terms, but in health, relationships and where our energy goes. We are trying to carry on as “business as usual” for our clients, our families, our friends, and our colleagues, yet THIS situation is far from normal! It’s easy to put the needs of everyone else in front of your own; to put on a brave face and to work hard to make sure others feel calm, in control and safe. But, who is looking after you? Today I want t to talk about how to build your resilience routine.
If you feel like I do, right now you are being bombarded with things to do.
Activities with the kids
Daily exercise
Books to read
Courses to take
You may be sitting there feeling like you aren’t doing enough. That you aren’t grabbing the opportunities that are available to you now. I want you to stop and remind you of the realties about what is happening right now:
We are in firefighting mode.
We are trying to do multiple jobs at once.
We are worried about the state of the world
We are balancing a new way of living.
At the time of writing this, the Wilcox household is back to working and learning, sometimes in shifts, sometimes at the same time. Some days we feel ultra-productive others, success measures are getting dressed and out of the house. It essential that we don’t judge ourselves by the pre-pandemic measures of success!
We’ve recently lived through our first “half-term” on lockdown, and tried to work out how we could make our days feel just as exciting as they would have been without social isolation and distancing. Drawing up a list of things we could do that we could pick from; and it worked, to a degree, Yes there was still far too much screen time than I would have hoped for, but you know, needs must!
Whilst this list was created as a way of reducing the “I’m booooooooored” moments from the kids, what it actually generated, maybe subconsciously, was a to-do list to help me bring some type of routine into my life. To tap into the things that helps build and maintain my resilience.
As I’ve talked about before, as parents, as role models, as leaders in business or work, we often put our own needs way down on a list. As Brene Brown recently discussed in her podcast “Unlocking Us” your response to a time of pressure or stress may be one of over-functioning – quick to act, taking control, creating and taking charge of the to-do list. When this happens it’s easy for your needs to be pushed way down the line, and can lead to you burning out and getting overwhelmed. I know this is something I am prone to do! However, having a checklist of things that you need to do, for your wellbeing, means that you may have to ask for help! This is the number one thing that an over-functioner struggles to do. So this may push your out of your comfort zone, but trust me, it will be worth it!
So, when creating this checklist of activities for the kids, and us as family, I realised it’s something that I actually need to do to help me function and stay calm!
This is not about self-care, an often misused phrase that gives us images of bubbles baths, but about filling up the resilience pot through creating a routine that focuses my attention on what I need!
I need to start this by saying these don’t have an allocation of time against them – we all know as a parent, right now we don’t have “spare” time. This is about making sure these elements are present in life as often as possible; ideally daily, but not necessarily.
Because trust me, when they are not present, we feel it. For me, my behaviour changes: I’m irritable!
Six things to include in your resilience routine
Movement
From a kitchen disco when the kettle is boiling, badminton in the garden with the kids, to a walk on my own, I need to make sure I move! Ideally, this is outside – let’s not underestimate the power of sunshine and green space! I am aware I am very privileged to have both a garden and a nature reserve within walking distance, so I make sure that this is part of my day; either on my own or with the family.
Cooking
This is about nutrition and making sure, as a minimum, I am eating something healthy and decision. Sometimes this means being adventurous with the random food we have managed to scavenge at the local supermarket, but usually, it’s creating cakes with the kids.
Quiet Time
You may scoff- quiet, time, now? Are you bonkers! But this is important. Again, not by the amount of time you have, but factoring this into your life. Sometimes my quiet time isn’t literally quiet, it may be reading whilst the kids are doing something else, it may be five minutes focusing on my breathing before I get up for the day. This is about having a moment where you aren’t doing or planning or reacting.
Connection
I think we ALL know the importance of this right now. Reaching out to friends and family is essential! Luckily we live in a time where tech can help – but if you have family members that aren’t as savvy, then writing a letter to communicate how you are feeling can help, if you can’t speak, see or text them.
Learning
This is a personal one for me, and you may find this isn’t as important to you, but I need to find something, every day, that challenges or educates me. Some of this at the moment is coming from listening to podcasts (combined with my “movement”) or a book I am reading. But other times it actually comes from my kids – learning about what they are doing (usually through schoolwork) or just from how they approach the world differently!
Fun!
This is possibly the most important one, to be honest. Remembering to have fun! To be creative, to play, to laugh! This is everything from watching a funny film, playing a board game, zoom date nights with friends or creating things with the kids.
Whilst we all maybe be filling our daily to list with duties as long as our arms, I want you today to remember to add these things to your list. How would it feel to get to the end of each day and know that you have ticked off things like fun? This is not just for what we are going through right now, but to create a new way of life where our needs are included alongside the essential and mundane.
What would you add on this list? Come over to Creating Careers to Enjoy to add in your MUST Dos.
Clara Wilcox is a straight-talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance. Isn’t it time you had a career to enjoy, not endure? Talk to me NOW about how I can help.
Clara Wilcox is a straight talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance.
