A decade on from its publication, the anniversary edition of The Gifts of Imperfection* has had a facelift and expanded content. I confess, in 2010 I had not heard of Dr. Brene Brown, and have only uncovered her work in the last few years. Despite this, her work has appeared several times in the blog; in 2019 her book Daring Greatly was one of my favourite books of the year, and during 2020 I discovered her groundbreaking podcast Unlocking Us. In fact, a lot of 2021’s book club choices will contain many authors that featured on the show!
Having sold over 2 million copies (so far) The Gifts of Imperfection reads like journaling inspiration supported with scientific insight, especially in comparison with her other publications. Accessible and authentic, it is actionable.
So, what is The Gifts of Imperfection about? It’s all about letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. As the synopsis mentions:
“Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
It’s focussed on wholehearted living, something that Dr. Brown sought out to identify and understand following a personal crisis in her life. Her definition is “Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belong.”
The new version of the book encourages notetaking from the outset. The last 25 or so pages are for your personal topics’ integration and your notes; do not fret, you are guided to create this before you begin reading. Alongside the anniversary edition, Brene Brown and her team have made The Wholehearted Inventory assessment available as part of “The Gifts Hub”. ; this helps you identify which of the ten guideposts YOU need to focus on. This makes the book an interactive experience, not just a passive process.
For the final time in 2020 here are the Clara Cliff notes, and the three things you need to know about The Gifts of Imperfection:
- You need to start being compassionate starting with yourself.
“The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become.” So many of us have been socialised to view any type of imperfection as something that needs to be erased or removed; just look at the definition (fault or flaw!). However, The Gifts encourages us to look at both sides of our personality and lived experience. By accepting ourselves, flaws and all, it allows us to be gentle, to appreciate more, and ultimately live in a more wholehearted way.
2. Nothing changes without digging deep
At the end of each chapter, Brown gives examples of how to D.I.G. Deep; in her research, she had noticed those who lived a wholehearted life would draw on D.I.G. when things were hard. It moves against so many assumptions around the ease that others live their lives or focusing attention in the wrong place. It’s intentional and draws on the elements that are important to that person, in each circumstance; working with who you are. So, remember to D.I.G:
D: Deliberate in thoughts and behaviours through prayer, meditation or simply setting intentions.
I: Inspired to make new and different choices.
G: Going. Act!
3. Identify and communicate your boundaries
One of the central themes in the book, alongside compassion and purpose, is boundaries. The people that she studies and has been inspired by, that are living a wholehearted life, not only understand their boundaries, but they also use them. All the time. This is not about being defensive, but being aware of what is important to them, what matters and where they were prepared to put their effort. I can’t do this theme justice within a paragraph; instead, I encourage you to make sure you have a “boundaries related” theme when creating your integrations; it may surprise you what you are inspired to write!
So, in less than 1000 words, I hope you have enough insight to understand that creating a wholehearted life is within your control, but it’s not a concept that comes without reflection and action. So, I close with a reminder of what Brown hopes you can believe about your wholehearted life:
“No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.”
*This is a Bookshop affiliate link, if you click on this and buy, I may get a few pennies, but it won’t cost you anything extra.
Interested in this book club review? Then read the others here.
Clara Wilcox is a straight-talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective has a social mission focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance. Isn’t it time you had a career to enjoy not endure?
Want to see how I can help you create a career to enjoy? Book some time to talk here.
Clara Wilcox is a straight talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance.
