Advice for modern parents from modern parents

It doesn’t matter if you are a first time Mum, a mum-to-be or have a houseful of teenagers, there are always moments where we doubt ourselves. We have times of joy, frustrations, celebration, and sadness; what helps is a community of other parents and a chance to share how we are feeling. This week, in honour of Mother’s Day and International Women’s Day, my community has shared their best parenting advice.

When I become a Mother in 2006, life looked very different to now. I only took six months of maternity leave, returning to work when my daughter was five and a half months old, and rarely interacted with online parenting support. When my youngest arrived, in 2002, I was off work for a year, experiencing a whole range of in-person classes, and connected to Mums, like me, across the globe through my smartphone!  I still consume information to answer my questions, settle my mind and help me with everything parenting brings in the 21^st Century. As my “village” may look different to what it was at the beginning of my journey, impacted by where I live, where I work and what is going on in the world, the one thing that remains consistent is the power of hearing from other people; to compare notes and to learn from those that have more and different experience than I.

I recently asked the parents in my Facebook Group and who follow my business page what their advice would be either for a new Mum, or advice they would like to give themselves if they could go back in time. As you can imagine, there was lots to say, so I wanted to share some of these with you today:

Advice for modern parents from modern parents:

“Don’t compare YOU or your child to other parents and children; each child and mother is different. What works for them may not work for you and visa versa. That said, do find your “tribe” those Mums who you can be open and honest with and who you can laugh at your mishaps with.”

“Be kind to yourself and rest as much as you can. You aren’t obligated to meet up with people, do all the housework or anything else.”

“I struggled with my first child, a huge culture shock and I literally felt like we would be stuck in the house forever. I wasn’t very good at getting out with her. My second didn’t sleep for seven months and that was a killer too but neither of those stages lasted. If I could go back I would just be more present and not stress too much. Unfortunately, I think this only comes with experience.”

“Practice this quote for unwanted advice from friends, family; whoever. This is for people who mean well, and you don’t want to upset them. That doesn’t mean you have to do what they said. It’s just an acknowledgement. OK, thanks for your input, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Changing to part-time or home working does not make you any less capable or valuable than any other member of your team, and if your manager makes you think that you are, make it clear they are out of order. If you think you are, then remember that a child is a full-time job too, and no one can do two jobs at once.”

“Don’t think because you’ve had a baby you can’t achieve. Your life will look different. So, accepting that helps. A lot. But this doesn’t mean you can’t still achieve whatever success looks like for you. At work or at home or whatever you choose.”

“My tip: If you become a parent via a non-traditional route (adoption as an example!) your parenting experience will be different, and you will need to explain things to professionals who may not have any understanding of this. It takes energy and stamina so be kind to yourself and call in extra support on top of ‘regular’ parenting support. Lots of people will want to know your child’s story’. Decide in advance how much you want to share. “

“Follow your child’s cues. Feed them when they’re hungry, cuddle them when they cry (you can NEVER show a child too much love!) and don’t stress out about their sleep patterns.”

“All those cuddles, sitting by their bed and stopping everything to look at their rock has turned them into young adults who tell you things and take time to be with you. You didn’t spoil them by giving them so much time, you helped them grow secure.”

“Answer their questions even if they make you uncomfortable. Answering their questions about things such as bodies, race, disability makes a pathway for open communication. As they get older they will get information from a number of other sources but you want them to know that they can ask you anything without awkwardness, embarrassment or being dismissed with an “I’ll tell you when you’re older” or “ask your mum/dad”

Finally, as I think this is the number one thing that I have learned as a parent is:

“If they call you out on something and they are right, acknowledge it and apologize. This isn’t teaching them to backchat, it is teaching them to challenge and to be confident that they can speak out if they don’t like the way somebody speaks to them or treats them.”

I have loved reading about the advice from the parents in my online and personal life! I know if I have read these things when my two were younger, it could have saved some frustration and self-doubt. What is the best advice you have ever heard, or would like to share with other Mums? Come over to Creating Careers to Enjoy and add to the conversation!

Thank you for the contributions from:
Beck&Call PR , ISEL Digital, Innovate Collaborate, GE Copywriter, Bondfield Marketing, Our Place, Yoga Three60,  The Peaceful Home Educator and Capture24 Photography