Book Review: On our best behaviour (the price women pay to be good) by Elise Loehnen

I like reading books that shake up my perspective, make me feel uncomfortable and push me to question my reactions. “On our best behaviour (the price women pay to be good)” by Elise Loehnen did all of that. Today, I want to give my thoughts on it and share some of the lessons learned.

For context, I am reading this with several perspectives and histories. As a woman, attempting to raise strong, feminist daughters, I always want to understand more about HOW things are the way they are. My very early years and primary school education were Catholic. I am not a believer, but these early influences still sit within my psyche. Many moons ago, I took an A-level in New Testament Studies and Philosophy of Religion. From this, I have a smattering of understanding of the New Testament’s social, political and historical background and how it has evolved over the years.

I wasn’t aware of the author until I read her bio. Elise Loehnen is a writer and was involved in Goop (a website I have heard about but haven’t frequented). Published in 2023, it appears to have been conceived as an idea following her losing her job in the pandemic. It’s a great book for anyone dipping their toes into questioning these “so-called deadly sins” and how they “have been used by the patriarchy to control women throughout history.”

For those who may not know what the Seven Deadly Sins the book is centred around, they are “Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride.”  (You may be like me and know them best from the film Seven.) What was your first thought when you saw the list?

I will confess, whilst I enjoyed the book, it wasn’t quite what I hoped it would be. There were lots of autobiographical reflections and stories shared by the author; I imagine it was very cathartic for her, and for those that have followed her career, I can see how it was insightful.
For me, it took me away from what I wanted to know.

1. Where did these sins come from
2. How they have been embedded into secular society
3. What can we do about it?

All of these were considered in parts, but I wanted them to go deeper. I feel like this is a great starting book to get the basics into place, which can then be found in other places. (I am sure I will come back to this blog to add them in once I find them!)

The greatest chapter for me was the final chapter, where the Gospel of Mary (discovered in 1896), was discussed. In the more “well-known” gospels from the New Testament, Jesus is said to have exorcised the “seven demons” from Mary Magdalene, which were later called sins, and Mary given the reputation of a “sinful woman” (thanks to Pope John Paul I). However, scholars see things through new, nearly feminist eyes, through the Gospel of Mary. Not only that, but the Catholic Church also recognised in 1969 that she was actually a key disciple of Jesus.  In this, the “sins” are just what we need to challenge and work against as humans. We are innately good.

So, in true Clara Cliff Notes style, here are the four things you need to know about ”On our Best Behaviour” by Elise Loehnen
1.The history of the sins will surprise you.

Elise Loehnen shares the origins of the Seven Deadly Sins, tracing them back to their organisation by the Christian church by Pope Gregory I, and then evolved through storytelling and leaders of the Church. She reveals that these sins were not always seen as universal moral failings but rather used as tools that have been used to shape and control behaviour, especially for women.  Loehnen’s historical analysis challenges the assumption that these concepts are timeless or neutral, showing instead how they have been weaponised to enforce conformity and self-denial, particularly among women.
2. Some of the “sins” will show up even when you don’t realise it

Loehnen argues that the influence of the Seven Deadly Sins is so deeply ingrained in cultural norms that many women unconsciously police themselves and others according to these standards. For example, women may deny themselves rest because “sloth” is seen as sinful or avoid advocating for themselves financially due to the stigma around “greed”.  The book describes how these behaviours are often lauded as virtues (such as restraint, self-sacrifice, and putting others first) when they are manifestations of internalised rules that limit women’s lives. Loehnen encourages readers to notice when these “sins” influence their choices, even in subtle ways, and question whether these impulses truly serve them. How many times have you heard the phrase “ No rest for the wicked?”
3. The sins have been baked into our laws, our society and our structures

The book makes the case that the Seven Deadly Sins are not just personal or religious concepts but have been embedded in the very fabric of society, shaping laws, social expectations, and institutional structures.  She gives examples such as the gender wealth gap, which is perpetuated by the belief that women should avoid “greed” and not negotiate for themselves. The expectation that women should always be giving, self-denying, and “good” is reinforced by cultural messaging, workplace norms, and even legal frameworks, making it difficult to disentangle personal choices from broader societal pressures.  Loehnen’s analysis shows how these ancient ideas continue to have real-world consequences today.
4. You can feel the impact of these, even if you aren’t religious or raised that way

You may believe that the generational impact of the “Seven Deadly Sins” only impacts those who follow religious teachings. I know I made that assumption when I started the book. However, we are shown how their influence persists in secular, modern contexts. Even those who were not raised with religious teachings often find themselves striving to be “good” by suppressing desires, ambitions, or needs that have been labelled as sinful.  When you think of the things you feel shame for, can you link them to any of these so-called deadly sins?

This book is an interesting reflection on the ways these Seven Deadly Sins show up in our lives. It challenges us to consider how we allow internal and external judgement to influence our decisions, our self-talk and the way we view others, especially women. If you have read “On Our Best Behaviour,” what lessons did you learn?

If you liked this topic, then these three titles from previous reviews will interest you.

Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez
Women who work too much by Tamu Thomas
Fix the system not the women by Laura Bates
Why we sleep by Matthew Walker

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