The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.” The above quote came from Carl Jung and has popped up in the last two podcasts episodes I have listened to, and I haven’t been able to shake how off how it’s affected me. The past few months have meant lots of conversations with my two kids, as well as thoughts and reflections about life in general, which has been mirrored in my sessions with clients. Considering what makes us happy, what fulfils us and what we want for our future has been a common thread since March. As parents, we are role models for the next generation; so, with the pressures of modern living, how do we avoid burdening our children with an unlived life?
We have been offered an unexpected insight into lives, that are usually hidden. Many have seen what it’s like when our children are pupils and have got a little closer to understanding what our other halves or nearest and dearest do for work. Usually, these parts of our lives are separate, and we provide edited highlighted when asked about our day. Having spent nearly 24/7 with our families, I wonder what messages we are sending to the next generation about work, and balance, and happiness?
I’ve talked about role modelling before, specifically in the context of a career, but today I want you to consider what the next generation see about the beliefs we are giving them about what it is like to be an adult, and even more so, a parent. This may be a bit of a blunt question, but it’s one that needs asking:
Would you want your Son or Daughter to have the life you have now?
There is a chance that this has made you feel a bit defensive. Has a triggered some feelings that you don’t want to visit? Or has it started up that internal monologue of what you should or shouldn’t be doing? What it means to be a mother, or a parent? The beliefs we have about ourselves are usually in place by the age of seven, and they are created from the people we have around, the examples they give, their behaviours and their conversations. But don’t fret, we all have the ability to push back from the beliefs that aren’t useful (self-limiting beliefs) if we first acknowledge them and start to rewrite what is important to us.
Back to the question in hand, would you want your kids to have the life you have?
If the answer is an emphatic NO, maybe consider why? Are you living an unlived life? Are you sacrificing happiness as you’ve been told that parenthood=martyrdom?
Begin by asking yourself these questions:
What do you need to change to have a balanced life?
What do you need to talk about to show a happy life?
What do you need to stop saying to avoid a repeat of negative attitudes?
In my experience, nothing beats leading by example; as we know, if behaviour can create negative beliefs, it can rewrite the script to positive ones. Yes, this is a simplistic approach, but I want you to begin acting TODAY.
So, start:
Carving out time for your interests
Say NO so you can say YES to what you want
Invest in yourself – time and/or money
Understand what you need to make you happy
No-one is a harsher critic than yourself, so don’t walk away from this article feeling dejected or guilty. Consider this as a wake-up call to start crafting a full, purposeful, and inspiring life, one step at a time. Each time you choose your wellbeing, you are showing the next generation the benefits of putting yourself higher up on your priority list. That is the lived life you want your children to achieve!
What do you think? What will you change first? Come over to Creating Careers to Enjoy, to join over 500 people doing just that!
Read more blogs to find the confidence to get the balance you deserve on my website.
I’m a straight-talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance. Isn’t it time to you had a career to enjoy not endure?
Clara Wilcox is a straight talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance.
