You might have already read Erikson’s “Surrounded by Idiots”, maybe as part of this book club, or following your DISC personality profiling consultation with me. This time around we are looking at Erikson’s latest book, “Surrounded by Psychopaths: Or, How to Stop Being Exploited by Others*”. Based around the clinical term of Psychopath, which current research believes about 1% of the population are classified as this specifically looks at how this type of personality can behave within our personal or professional lives and the impact that can have. Loosely based on the work on the DISC system, it refers to four personality types, labelled as Red, Yellow, Green and Blue and how a psychopath can use your fears and motivations to manipulate you.
Like any profiling tool, there those that have their preferences, (there is ongoing discussion around DISC vs Myers-Briggs, as an example) and those that debate the scientific validation. This ongoing discussion is healthy! Anyone that has worked with me on their DISC profile will know that I talk of preferences and personality combinations; however, within “Surrounded by …” Erikson is quite absolute about colours. Due to this, and maybe enhanced by the “best selling” book series, many are cynical. A quick internet search uncovers doubts about the title that Erikson is given as a behaviour specialist. However, today, I am not here to review that. I am here to review the latest offering, “Surrounded by Psychopaths”.
In “Surrounded by Psychopaths: Or, How to Stop Being Exploited by Others”** it’s claimed that “By learning more about your personality type and how you work, you’ll be able to see through any psychopath’s manipulative behaviours and fend off their attempts to wreak havoc into your life.” Spotting a Psychopath can be hard when you first meet them, they are often charming (which then helps with the manipulation) Their lack of empathy, pathological lying and impulsivity used as part of the clinical diagnosis and may be traits that you start to recognise when they get close to you. They can be violent, but many times (and certainly for the context of this book) their behaviour develops to become abnormal, manipulative and destructive. Erikson hopes that by having an open discussion about this personality disorder, we can all be on our guard.
So, after consuming the book as quickly as I did with “Surrounded by Idiots”, what do I think? It’s a book that is worth reading, to take some time to reflect on who you are, how you interact with other people and how to craft and maintain your boundaries.
With this is mind, these are the four things I think you need to know from “Surrounded by Psychopaths”:
- A Psychopath isn’t what you think!
Many of us may have only come across the concept of a violent psychopath, that is a criminal, or who turns up in books or movies. After reading the descriptions and case studies and reviewing the 20-point checklist at the opening of the book, you can start to see the way that these people can arrive in our lives and positions of influence; often charming and love-bombing us into a position of vulnerability. It’s key that we are aware that these people can and statistically will arrive in our lives; to start with the understanding that we need to be cautious with anyone that seems too good to be true.
- Know your fears to stay in control.
Understanding your motivations and fears is not just useful for your own self-awareness, it can help you manage your boundaries and see the early warning/red flags for those who may try to manipulate us. Everyone has fears, created from a combination of personality type and life experience. One way of uncovering what you may not want to admit, it through a DISC profile. Another is to ask yourself “what am I most scared of”, and keep digging. It may be rejection, failure, being ignored or control. Knowing this about yourself means you can notice others using it against you.
- Boundaries are useful at all times.
It is clear within this book is that we are ALL open to manipulation, or to manipulate others. Whilst is the agenda of a psychopath, you don’t need to have that type of personality to be subject to, or the cause of manipulation. However, the “barrier” or counter-measure to this is clear communication, standing your ground and consistency. Erikson uses examples within the book on how that could look, but a simple, emotionally “No.” can be a great start. Think about what your personal and professional boundaries are, so they are obvious to you should a Psychopath start to try and push them.
- Be conscious of WHY you trust people.
Whilst this book is insightful, it can be a hard read, and may leave us wary of EVERYONE we meet. Later in the book, Erikson discusses one of the counter measures of manipulation that we can use to understand how genuine a person is. Very simply, it’s trust. A “formula” for trust is proposed “predictability, reliability and certainty”. Research, and experience, finds that Psychopaths don’t possess any of these things, which is part of their power when they get “under the skin”.
I have never considered before how I know who to trust, but when I consider the people that I do trust against this this “trio”, it’s comforting to see the match. Whilst you may have already come across a Psychopath, for many of us, there is still a risk our paths will cross with one. So, like the previous point on boundaries, consciously noticing why you building trust, both professionally and personally, can help us feel in control of relationship dynamics.
So, even if you aren’t onboard with the four colours, I think this book is well worth a read. A chance for you to realise that not everyone has your best interests at heart, and how to respectfully and authentically have healthy relationship boundaries whilst being aware that, unfortunately, manipulative people do exist.
Have you read the book? I’d love to know what you think. Come along to Creating Careers to Enjoy to find out the next book in our book club! You can read previous reviews here.
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If you enjoyed this blog, you may want to read more about DISC Profiling, and how it can positively impact your career.
DISC consultancy is part of my 1:1 Coaching programme, so feel free to book a call, to find out more
*You can buy the book via this affiliate link
** I was gifted a copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Clara Wilcox is a straight talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance.
