I’ve been speaking with many people about confidence recently. It arises in every aspect of life, both personal and professional. It’s one that, since I began my time in personal development and skills, has always been there. Either people feel like they want or need to build more confidence, or they are told (rightly or wrongly) that their confidence is something they need to work on. So, today, I wanted to share with you seven easy* ways to build your confidence.
There is an ongoing debate and conversation about the nature vs. nurture debate, specifically regarding confidence. On top of that, there is the continuing frustration around the gender differences in how confidence is “allowed” (and I say that slightly tongue in cheek) to show up between men and women. We have all been there.
“She is bossy.”
“He is assertive”.
As parents, we spend hours devouring advice on how to raise confident kids, whilst working on our own. Does any of this ring true?
I very much sit in the camp that whilst there are many innate aspects of our biology (gender irrelevant) that make some people more confident than others, I do believe that with intention and practice, we can become more confident. I also think that a person’s levels of confidence can vary across topics or situations. I don’t think I’ve met anyone who is universally confident in every area of their personal and professional life!
So, today, I want to share with you seven easy ways to build your confidence (with the caveat that they take practice!). If you are feeling like you want to build this “muscle,” then maybe it’s time to use one or more of these techniques!
1. Collect your wins
Sometimes it’s OK that we need external validation. It’s the evidence that you can see and hear that shows that you are good at something. This is most often used in the workplace, but if you use your creative skills (that we all have), this can be applied to any areas of life. So, that could be a “brag” folder at work, with positive feedback, testimonials, nice email conversations or the “targets hit” of your KPIs.
2. Find your flow
Being in flow is a wonderful state. It is when your highest strengths are used to meet the highest challenges that come your way. Research shows that it has excellent wellbeing benefits, from improving your problem-solving skills, reducing stress, increasing motivation, and reducing feelings of anxiety. It helps your brain reduce feelings of self-doubt; in the moments of flow, you build all the tools to help you feel more confident.
What makes this so special is that there is NO need for external validation! When did you last feel that way?
3. Learn something new
One of the key elements of confidence is knowing you can do what you can say you can do! Sometimes, we can get comfortable within our “zone” and tell ourselves that we have reached our max. However, learning something new and applying it can help you remember your potential and build new connections in that extraordinary brain of yours.
4. Get feedback
This is probably the scariest tip I will give you, but trust me, it will help. Whilst your “brag folder” will have great reactive feedback, being more proactive can help you build a picture of how others see you. You could even try it in your personal life. A great question to ask is ““What strengths do you see in me that you wish I recognised or valued more in myself?”
5. Stretch your limits
Sometimes, building your confidence can come from doing something physical. Nothing beats the feeling of achievement, and giving yourself a realistic challenge can help create that situation. I’m sure you already know the wellbeing benefits of any type of movement: it decreases stress hormones, distracts from negative thoughts, and can also help your self-esteem, an important component of confidence.
6. Return to your past confidence
By reminding yourself of the last time you felt confident, you can start to create situations that replicate that. This is where an understanding that confidence can be situational too, which often helps us be more compassionate with ourselves, by setting expectations. You may realise that your confidence comes from certain activities, people, or challenges. Having that realisation can then lead you to replicating this, to work on building your confidence there too.
7. Remember to celebrate
One of the best ways to build your confidence is to develop the ability to see the successes and wins yourself. You may have heard of gratitude lists, but have you heard of the Ta-Da list? Make it a non-negotiable habit to consciously collect, each day, all your wins during that day. If you can, to really enhance the power, write them down. Cover all the areas of your life, but make sure you pay close attention to the area you want to improve. Want to be confident in sharing your ideas. Make sure you log the “wins” you had – from speaking up in a meeting, to sharing something in an email, to researching a concept ready for a presentation – they all count!
So there you have it, seven easy ways to build your confidence. What would work for you? I’d love to know!
If you’re looking for 1:1 coaching support to boost your confidence, I can help. Find out more about my services or reach out to book in call.
*Ok, so the concept of easy is relative, but you need to start somewhere!
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Clara Wilcox is a straight talking, practical and experienced coach helping clients navigate the tricky waters of returning to work, career changes and professional development. The Balance Collective is a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of parents, by working together to build inner confidence and promote a healthy work/life balance.
